tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
