Just fell off a train. Bad.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hippo gnu deer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize