is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need a beard to bite.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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