Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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