then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize