She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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