so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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