why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
