Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
