All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
