But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
