Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
