I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
