i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you would pick up someone in the library
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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