I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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