So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
