Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish i was in the wii world.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
