Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
