the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
