He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
