A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
