Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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