Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
