In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize