am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
