i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
