I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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