the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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