Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
