i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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