Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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