It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
