wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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