I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
