My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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