dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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