Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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