The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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