Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
