yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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