Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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