Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
