I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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