I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
