They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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