We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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