she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
