You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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