hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
