Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
