the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
