he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
