whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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