i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
