So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
