Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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