so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
