You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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