Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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