I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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