but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
