she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
