I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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