Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
