you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
