UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
