you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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