She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
