He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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