I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
