Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
