Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
