omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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