how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
