the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
