I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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