So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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