She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dicks are not precious.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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