Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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