Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
