also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
