things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
