It's Friday. Sex?
I've blown a few things in my day
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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