how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
